Second Gen

We grow up with labels forced upon us and labels we put on ourselves. When I was growing up, I identified myself as a "second generation" Korean. We'd use this term to identify ourselves as different from our parents' generation that were born and raised in Korea. Dave grew up labeled as a 1.5 generation because he was born in Korea and raised here.

Yet, using these terms, I've realized excludes the tens and hundreds of generations that have preceded me. Those who have experienced oppression, war, and even abundance in the divided Korea and the united Korea before 1945.

Through this family history project, I realize my identity and culture does not only come from my parents' and grandparents' generation, but from a rich history, tradition and culture that goes beyond. I hope that the third generation, Joseph, Elliott, Edward and Sharon, and hopefully more to come, realize this important fact.

This marks the end of Jiea and my interview with our grandparents. I'd love to interview more family members and record more stories.

Q&A Part 2

Jiea: If you can choose one age you can be forever, what age would it be and why?

Grandma: "I wanted to live until about 70." Oops, Grandma, I think you understood the question wrong. "I was the happiest during my early twenties when we were married and our kids were young. But as one gets older, more and more problems arise within the family, with the kids, with the husband, and the burden gets heavier. I had no worries in my twenties. I met my match and the world was good."

Grandpa: "I enjoyed it the most when I was growing up with my grandparents (around elementary school). I didn't know much about the world then."


Joshua: Who's your favorite grandchild?

Grandpa: "Who asked that question? Tell Joshua, he's my least favorite!"

Grandma: "We love all our grandchildren equally. There's no difference between them."

Grandpa: "Wanting to be the favorite grandchild is really up to you all! If you come visit us often, we'll favor you."


Lena: Has Grandpa or Grandma every broken the law?

Grandma: "I've broken God's law. I was three months pregnant and I erased the baby, after five children."

Grandpa: "I've broken the law many times before I believed in Christ. I've never killed anyone or been arrested for a crime."


Hannah: What is your favorite thing that your spouse does?

Grandma: "Grandpa is very honest. That is one thing I've admired all my life. If he did something wrong, I won't tell him right away. I wait 3 days to tell him and he's okay. If I tell him right away, he gets mad."

Grandpa: "In the old days, I liked everything about her. But lately, she's been interfering too much. Too much nagging!"

Lois: "Grandpa, you're supposed to say something good!"

Grandma: "Don't you like my cooking?"

Grandpa: "I can't think of anything good. She's been nitpicking too much. She never used to nag."

All of us broke out in laughter.


Lena: What is your fondest memory of great grandma Moonchul?

Grandma: "She was always so true to herself. She never talked bad about people or complained about the food. She was devoted and faithful to her family. She was always so hardworking."

Grandpa: "Your grandma said it all. When she died, she died so peacefully. Before we went to morning prayer, she was sleeping. But when I came back, your grandma went to check on her and to bring her some porridge and she suddenly started shouting that something was wrong. I put my hand on her chest and it was warm, but her hands and feet were so cold. She didn't have any struggle. Your grandma and I keep saying that she was so blessed. She was so sacrificial in her life for her children and when she passed away, she died so peacefully at the age of 102. Your grandma was always good to her mother-in-law. That's why adore her so much."

Grandma: "We used to live in an two-story apartment. When it was nine-o'clock, she would crawl up the stairs. That night, we didn't even know that she would pass away."


Joshua: What were each of your kids like growing up?

Grandpa: "Growing up, I was a very stern father. After I believed in Jesus, I was much better. Before I knew Christ, when I would come home, your Aunt Younghee would hide. She later told me after I believed in Christ that she didn't know she was running away from such a nice man. Uncle Chang wouldn't be able to ask me for money, but would ask great grandma Moonchul for money. Your mother, Sookhee, was very gentle. Uncle Paul had a gentle and meek disposition. He was the class president. Uncle Peter was a real man. At church, the kids would surround him and follow him wherever he went. He had leadership."


Aunt Chu: What's your favorite hymn?

나 위하여 십자가에 중한 고통 받으사
My Life Flows On (How Can I Keep from Singing) by Robert Lowry


고통의 멍의 벗으려고 주께로 갑니다
Jesus I Come (Out of My Bondage) by George C. Stebbins


Aunt Chu: If you can change one thing in your life, what would you change?

Grandpa: After believing in Christ, what else would I change? I'll hold on to that until the day I die.

Grandma: What would I change?

Lois: Are you content with your life now?

Grandma and Grandpa in unison: Yes! We are happiest when we see our grandchildren.


Joshua: What is one place in the world you would like to visit?

Grandma: We've been everywhere. Canada, US, Korea. There's no place we would want to go.

Grandpa: There's only one place I would like to go... and that is to our Father in Heaven. Whatever you see on this earth can be on TV. I don't put hope in things of this world.


Lena: What was Grandma's family like?

Grandma: "Our family was faithful and very wealthy. Our relatives were very harmonious and got along well. My great grandfathers were scholars. They studied in Japan, because Korea was under Japanese rule to become successful they had to go to Japan. At that time the women only had elementary education."


Uncle Peter: What is one message you want to relay to the whole family right now?

Grandpa: "Never leave the faith. And the whole family should make it a priority to meet together and fellowship with each other in the faith."


What is one message you want to relay to the future generations?

Grandpa: "It's the same as to our family now. What's important is that the next generation's destiny is in God's hands and their hands, not in mine. I can pray for you and wish blessings upon you, but it is not mine or your parents' responsibility. Your destiny is in your own hands and God's. Everything should be accomplished within the faith and not in materialism. I spent money lavishly throughout my life and did everything my heart desired, but in the end, it's all futile without Christ."

Q&A Part 1

Before we met with Grandma and Grandpa, Jiea made a round of calls to anybody who would answer and asked if they had any questions they wanted answered from Grandma and Grandpa. Before we asked each question, we told them who it was that asked it.

Hannah: When was the first time you knew you were in love with each other?

Grandma eagerly answered, when they met for the first time with the intention to marry. Remember, they were matched by their parents. Grandma said he was handsome, tall, had a good family and a good heart. She liked everything about him. When I asked Grandpa, he said, at the time, whatever the parents asked of you was obligatorily "yes". But at the same time, he was really happy that his parents approved of the marriage. Grandma wanted to add that back then, no one really showed affection outwardly to each other or even to their children, especially because they lived with their elders (their parents). The Korean tradition was to always put your elders first, even before your own children.


Uncle Peter: If you had to remarry, would you choose to marry the same person?

Grandma immediately replied with an emphatic NO! Grandpa explained, your Grandmother did everything she needed to do and more, after she married me. Basically, he explained that she had it rough. She took care of her mother-in-law, brothers-in-law and her grandparents-in-law and all the domestic duties. "She lived sacrificially," said Grandpa, "so, if I said no too, I'd be in big trouble!"


Lena: What do you miss most about your childhood?

Grandma: "I miss going to church with my mother when I was younger. We would walk about 30 minutes to church, and I would carry my siblings on my back. My mother would express her appreciation. I really enjoyed walking to church and back."

Grandpa: "My father, when I was younger, would take a net to the river to catch fish. My father was very stern with me, which was common in that age. But somehow, he took me with him to the river. Even though his parenting style was very rigid, I assume that he must have loved me to have taken me to the river to catch fish with him. I experienced his love through that."


Joshua: Which one of your kids gave you the hardest time?

Grandma and Grandpa burst out laughing with this question. Grandma said, "I can't tell you that." When I reworded the question as "In what situation were you the most distressed?" Grandpa stated that it's the most distressing when they witness conflict within our family, whether it is between parents and kids or between husband and wife.


Aunt Angie: Throughout your life, what was your most difficult moment?

Grandma: "Even if we don't say, your mom should know very well, Jiea."


Uncle Peter: What was your most happiest moment?

Grandpa: "I was the happiest during the transition from being one who didn't believe to one who believed in Jesus. I got to do so many things in my life, but nothing was as fulfilling and enjoyable as that stage in my life."

Grandma: "I was the happiest when all my children began attending church. No matter how much they had in their pocket, they would give it to the Lord."


Aunt Chu: What's your favorite scripture in the Bible?

Grandma: "Psalms 92:12-15. The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, 'The LORD is upright.'"

Grandpa: "Rather than a favorite Bible verse, my favorite person in the Bible is David. He was so loved by God and he loved God much. When I look at the struggles he faced, the struggles that I have seem like nothing. When I was distressed with my children, I looked to David and how his own son looked to kill him. What I face is nothing compared to that."

Grandma's favorite character in the Bible is Joseph. I agreed, he is my favorite too. "Joseph faced much hardship, and yet God was with him through it all. He loved his brothers and forgave them in the end," said Grandma.


Danny: What is one negative and one positive of the first generation that came here. And what can the second generation learn?

At this point, Grandma and Grandpa marvel at the difficulty of questions and exclaim, "These girls are worse than newspaper reporters!" They had a hard time with this question and Grandpa said that both our generations have the same problems.

Grandma thinks it a great strength that the first generation keeps the Sabbath holy.

Grandpa began to discuss the positives of the second generation - the advancement of technology and lifestyle. At the same time, he got quite worked up talking about the negatives of this generation, not specific to our family. "The current generation of young adults are not getting married and not wanting kids. There is something called ethics and morality that does not seem to exist today... We are all sexual beings but if people are not getting married, it only leads to promiscuity. I see it all over the television. This is one thing that I can not understand about this generation. There is a reason why God created families. Yes, the generations and the times have changed, but God is the same God and a time of judgment will come."

Intermission

Dave and I watched this Discovery Channel documentary on traditional Korean cuisine. I thought it might be of interest to everyone.

Culinary Asia: Korea

Try this quiz to see how much you know about Korean cuisine.

Journey to America

"Coming to the US was all a part of God's plan," Grandpa commented after explaining the struggles he experienced in adjusting to a new country. They began a gardening business, and once again Grandpa was struggling to make ends meet through manual labor.

When I asked him what he believed God's plan to be, he stated that it was to humble him. In South Korea, the family was not poor by any means. Grandpa had a certain amount of respect in the community. He experienced in America that he was not too good to be working on his hands and feet again. He also believed that through their generation's struggles that it would make it easier for the next generation - so that the younger generation would not have to struggle as much.

I mentioned to Grandpa that growing up I have never felt like I struggled the least bit. I have always felt like there was a covering or bubble around me that protected me. I attribute that to the prayers and spiritual inheritance that has been passed down to me from my Grandparents to my parents.

Grandpa explained:
"What you said is something your generation should not forget. You should feel it to the bone that our family's struggles are not something to be resented. Difficulties in life should not be resented. When you're faced with a challenge, think, what is God trying to teach me now. In the Bible, all God's people faced hardship. Yet, hardship is different for each person because of our different personalities. Each of us has our own journey."

As grown adults, spiritual life is not about what your parents or your grandparents tell you to do, but it is about discovering for your own self, through prayer, what it is that God is trying to speak to you.

Grandpa's Faith Journey

At about this time in the interview, Grandma said, "Oh! Look at the time. It's 2 o'clock."

I asked if they had something to do and they said no. When we told them we have no place to go, Grandma began laughing and said, "Ask us some questions now."

"Do you want to know how we came to the United States now?" asked Grandpa.

"Yes, please!"


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Grandpa's sister-in-law (Uncle Sam's mom) had a vision in a dream that Grandpa would become an elder in a church. This was surprising to him since Grandpa was not a Christian. My mother also had a dream when she was in high school that a bulldozer came and ripped through their family business at the time and the only thing that was left was a Bible.

Their business didn't last, as prophesied in the dream, and the family ended up moving to Soowon and opened a clothing store. Grandma mostly ran the business and as a hobby Grandpa went hunting and fishing. "Your Grandmother lived a hard life. She always told me that I should have no regrets because while she lived a hard life, I got to do everything I wanted." Grandma added that he even flew to Jeju island to go hunting.

On Christmas day, the family (Grandma and the kids) were on their way to church and asked Grandpa to watch the store. "Christmas? People stay home and drink on Christmas, who's going to come to buy clothing?" Unhappily, he stayed at the store alone. He realized he was 50 years old and, reflecting upon his life, he got to do everything his heart desired, yet in the end he felt pathetic or hopeless. Maybe what he was feeling was the void that the writer of Ecclesiastes spoke about. No one had ever told him to believe in Jesus Christ during his lifetime. And he wasn't one to believe just because someone tried to persuade him. But at this moment, he thought, "Maybe I should go to church in the new year."

The first week of the new year came around, and as Grandma and my mom were gathering their things to go to church, he told my mom nonchalantly, "Sookhee, why don't I visit that church of yours?" Grandma remembers my mom being so excited and Grandpa remembers them getting his clothes ready one by one.

Walking the alley on the way to church, he suddenly felt like a cow being taken to the slaughterhouse. Grandma said his face was pale and blue. When he entered the building, the church members began greeting him as 박사장 - basically, a term of respect for someone who is pretty successful, literally translated as boss. His first impression after the first two weeks was that the lifestyle of the congregation was extremely different from his lifestyle and didn't sit well with him. He remembered a proverb "After three years at a village schoolhouse, even a dog can recite a poem." 서당개 삼 년에 풍월 읊는다. So, he decided to stick with it for 3 years.

One Sunday, an elderly woman began praying for their country and this touched him. He never knew anyone who prayed for anything beyond themselves. Slowly, Grandpa was being transformed. A funeral was being held for a young man in the congregation and Grandpa asked the pastor if he could attend. At the funeral, he jumped in to help the other young pallbearers, to experience the fleeting nature of life and to lower himself in humility.

Ironically, after Grandpa's resolution to attend church for three years, Grandpa's heart was being transformed in only three weeks. He said he was filled with joy to his heart's content. No money in the world could replace the joy he experienced. Everyone was filled with the Spirit; prophesies were being made and fulfilled in our family.

Life in South Korea

"Even though we made it to South Korea, your grandmother endured much hardship," Grandpa continued. As Grandpa's wife, she not only took care of her husband and her mother-in-law, but also her brothers-in-law. When they married, Grandpa was 18, and his brothers were 9 and 6 years old. She made sure they got their education even through their time in refuge.

What kind of work did you do in South Korea?

Grandma: "I sold dduk, traditional Korean rice cake, in Pusan." I told Grandma that I remembered her making us rice cake when we were younger and she said her experience in Korea is why she used to make such good dduk.

Grandpa: "I did a lot of manual labor." Grandpa worked at the harbor, moving large cargo from ships. A teacher friend of his from North Korea walked out the first day of work because it was so rough. Grandpa prided himself in his work ethic. When everyone was on break, he would work even harder, and he became very favored at work. There was one man who worked as a "counter"; his sole job was to count the cargo from the ship. One day, the man didn't make it to work, so Grandpa took over his job and as he was counting, he even helped unloading cargo from the ships. His co-workers liked him to the point of replacing the other "counter" with Grandpa.

Another part of Grandpa's work history was taking (actually, stealing) army supplies and selling them. Grandma reminded us that at this time there really was no law after the emancipation of Korea from Japan - almost like a national wide free for all. He would raid army storage areas and go around selling the supplies. He then got caught by the military intelligence agency (CIC). He continued to do this business dressed as a newspaper reporter - wearing a military uniform with a special newspaper reporter logo. He said nobody touched him once he had this uniform. I believe he had some sort of inside deal to keep on working.

He worked as a rice dealer at one point too.


What were your living conditions?

Grandma described their impoverished living conditions. They lived in tents at one point, and at another they crammed seven family members into one bedroom together. "You are living in very good conditions now," says Grandpa. "With no food or shelter worries. You probably have no idea of what poverty is... you don't know poverty," reflected Grandma.